What are you afraid of? What stops you from meeting your goals?
Fear of Awareness
Avoiding hard feelings is a common practice. We do this in so many ways- scrolling on our phones, emotional eating, impulse shopping, gossiping, drinking alcohol, sleeping, etc. But where is it getting us?
“Brave means living from the inside out. Brave means, in every uncertain moment, turning inward, feeling for the Knowing, and speaking it out loud.” Glennon Doyle
One of the biggest mistakes we can make when it comes to fear is not talking about it. Avoiding the topic gives it power. The more we address what fears are rising, the more we can distinguish what true feelings are behind them, and how we can support ourselves and ask for support from others that our fears may be affecting.
Our clients have a lot of fears of knowing their numbers- seeing that their blood pressure is rising, their family history is following them with cholesterol, or peeking at the number on the scale. Regardless what that next step is- it requires WORK. Work that people are afraid of. The work required to face these fears is what is going to set you free. Once you know, you cannot unknown, which is one of the reasons people avoid the doctor’s office. Become aware of your fears, take their power away, and get to work. Remind yourself that the work you are avoiding is what’s going to give you the peace you’re desperately seeking.
Fear of Failure/Success
The words failure and success are arbitrary. Who decides what is a failure or a success? What are we even basing these categories on- other people’s opinions/expectations? Our idea of where we should be or what we should be doing? Off someone else’s life?
Drop them. Drop those words if they aren’t serving you. If you set a goal you feel is realistic and then you don’t meet that goal, why would that be a failure? You’re learning, you’re growing, you’re putting effort into your health and wellness, you’re making progress because you can see what went wrong or well, you’re building your self-efficacy, you’re being a great example for others to see that your self-worth is important to put effort towards. How can that be considered a failure?
And the reverse is true as well- you set a goal to walk 30 min 5 days/week and make it happen- does that make it a success? For that week, sure. But weather/activities/illness/etc. eventually gets in the way and you don’t meet the goal and now you remove the word success and how does that make you feel? The second we are successful with a goal, we move onto the next or we level up that goal. So let’s focus on a life that’s full of evolving, pivoting, and work so that it doesn’t have to be overwhelming to start anything. Get excited about the next goal, regardless of the work required, because that work is what is going to bring value and energy to all of your days.
Fear of Loss
Loss of – identity, friendships, life, money, time, comfort. What is this fear teaching me? If we flip it, we see what we value. We value certain aspects of our identity-what are those and how can we maintain our integrity through change?
When we think about a loss of a friend or relationship, it can be overwhelming and provoke feelings of fear- fear of their opinions on boundaries we set, fear of what they’ll say to others, fear of life without them- something we’ve learned is that if you’re constantly in fear of what a person is going to say when you leave the table or conversations, ask yourself – Why do I keep coming back to this table? Or if after the conversation, you feel you need to sort out the negative feelings with someone else, action needs to take place. When evaluating that fearful feeling, flip it back to if I can’t be me without judgment or other negative feelings, why am I putting additional effort into this?
That goes with anything. If you can’t be your authentic self in a job, in a relationship, in your daily routine- it needs to change. And the first step is getting honest with yourself. Talk to a coach, therapist, trusted friend, and/or journal about what doesn’t feel right, what your fears are with losing that part of your life, and what is the first step toward change that doesn’t feel overwhelming. What is something that will progress you towards living with more integrity but isn’t so overwhelming that you’ll put it on the backburner again.
Loss of comfort is a BIG fear and reason people don’t meet their goals or follow through with an action they know needs to take place. It’s uncomfortable to change, effort is work, and you have to be ready for it.
Sometimes it takes some visualization to get past those fears. Talk yourself through a hard conversation and the relief you’ll feel after, visualize getting out the door for that walk and the energy it will create, imagine yourself in the produce section and your internal health numbers improving after, picture yourself in a comfortable place in your home with a meditation app up on your phone and how at peace you’ll feel starting your day with a clear mind, think of how good you’ll feel after washing your face before getting into bed. Yes, all these actions are work but when you decide what action you know you want to make and the positive benefits associated that you’ve been craving that are tied to it, it makes it easier to take that first step.
Battle your fears by owning it, one thought at a time.
When I think about fear, I think about not experiencing something I know is important to me. After thinking about this, I am realizing that my biggest fear is having regrets. I don’t want to regret not capturing a moment with my kiddos (reason behind fear-no childhood memories captured), telling someone how I feel about them (reason behind fear-early death of friends), not taking care of my health (fear-not being around for grandchildren), not being a good example for my kiddos (fear-creating unnecessary emotional issues in my children), not following my truth (fear- not living a big, intentional life), and not living in a way that gets me to heaven’s gates (fear-not following my faith). I don’t want to have regrets.
When I acknowledge all those things, I can take a look at what I’m doing that is of value to my life due to those fears and I can also acknowledge what I am doing that’s harming me. Example- capturing every single moment on my phone so that my kiddos can look back at their beautiful childhood- amazing, the stress of making sure to capture the moment in the right angle or amount of times so that it’s not missed- not so amazing. But taking a look at that fear and how I am playing it out in my life is of value, no matter how ugly the process is of discovering that truth. Then I can do something about it. I can accept the ugly truth that I have hardly any videos or pictures of my childhood and that bothers me. I can also be grateful for my awareness of this to change the cycle, and then I can also adapt my overcompensation by realizing the panic it can cause so that I can find the middle ground.
Due to navigating health challenges over the last few years, it has become one of my greatest fears that I will never find an answer or a solution to get back to my old healthy self. Although it is still a fear deeply rooted in me, my experience has taught me that I have the power to process my fears in a constructive way.
I have learned to take the energy that I’m spending on being fearful and transform it into energy to use to create the solution needed dissipate the fear. In order to do this, I have had to be vulnerable and courageous. I’ve learned that facing fears requires vulnerability, it takes putting your pride down, asking for help and being comfortable risking failure. Facing your fears also takes courage. It takes being scared and doing it anyway because you know what lies ahead is greater and worth the risk.
I have also learned that in order to process our fear in a constructive way, it takes separating the facts from the thoughts. All fears come from our brain. The mind is what creates fear, not the world. We must learn to pay attention to what’s going on in our mind so we can uncover it. Ask yourself – what is really happening, what is the truth. There is the situation and there are your thoughts about the situation – two completely different things. Once you see the separation between your thoughts and the world as it is, you learn that what you can control is what’s going on in your mind. You are the controller of your thoughts.
Step 1. Acknowledge your fear. Don’t judge it. When you judge it, you miss the opportunity to process it and let it go.
Step 2. Let yourself be afraid. Write down your fear(s) – “I am scared of…” Writing it down allows you to honor it – you’re telling it hey I see you and I’m going to take care of you.
Step 3. Welcome the fear by breathing it in. Catch the desire to resist it in your throat and push past it. Allow yourself to cry, shake, etc. Feel the vibration in your body. This is teaching you that like every feeling and emotion – fear is just a vibration in your body. It will come and it will go.
Step 4. Ask yourself – “What do I want instead and what do I need to do to make that happen?”
Things that have helped me :
- Talking to myself the way I would talk to a friend or someone I love
- Cutting the judgement and practicing compassion
- Turning inward and asking myself – “What’s the matter, love?”
- Giving myself grace – reminding myself that I am human
- Telling myself – “I’m scared and that’s okay… “It is normal to be scared – it is a part of being human… Just because I feel scared does not mean I am in danger – it is just a feeling and a vibration in my body.”
- Being vulnerable – learning there is NOTHING wrong with asking for help – life is tough and we were never meant to do it alone.
Starting this work is hard. But know that it is supposed to be hard. Ask yourself – What is making you afraid and what does it make you want instead? We all have fears. All we can do is recognize them and use them to propel us forward. A lot of the time it takes getting professional help and there is nothing wrong with that. Reach out for support, whether that be a professional or simply a friend.
3 Gold Stars
- Journal or meditate asking yourself- what 3 main thoughts are scaring me?
- Acknowledge one fear and list a positive and negative effect it has on you.
- Find a way to support yourself through your fear – a friend, therapy, practicing a form of self-care, etc.
- What 3 main thoughts are scaring me?
- Where do my fears come from and how can I use them to improve my life?
- What are 3 ways I can center myself the next time I’m experiencing fear?
Piece of Gold
Healing Food of the Week-
Looking for a delicious and nutritious side dish? We got you..
Sweet potatoes are high in vitamin C, carotenes (boosts skin health), and antioxidants. Regardless of the sweet name, sweet potatoes help stabilize blood sugar levels and improve your body’s response to insulin.
Some people call darker, sweeter versions a “yam,” but they are not interchangeable.
𝐃𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐜𝐢𝐨𝐮𝐬 𝐫𝐞𝐜𝐢𝐩𝐞𝐬 𝐭𝐨 𝐭𝐫𝐲:
- Glennon Doyle – social handle – @glennondoyle
- Brene Brown – Rising Strong
- 𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘦𝘯𝘤𝘺𝘤𝘭𝘰𝘱𝘦𝘥𝘪𝘢 𝘰𝘧 𝘏𝘦𝘢𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘍𝘰𝘰𝘥𝘴 𝘣𝘺 𝘔𝘪𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘦𝘭 𝘔𝘶𝘳𝘳𝘢𝘺 𝘔.𝘋. 𝘑𝘰𝘴𝘦𝘱𝘩 𝘗𝘪𝘻𝘻𝘰𝘳𝘯𝘰 𝘕.𝘋. 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘓𝘢𝘶𝘳𝘢 𝘗𝘪𝘻𝘻𝘰𝘳𝘯𝘰 𝘔.𝘈., 𝘓.𝘔.𝘛.
DON’T MISS OUT!
Please and Thank You Granola Bars – 10% off when you use the code “GOLDIVY” – http://pleasethankyougranolabars.com/
Instagram – @pleasethankyougranolabars
Don’t forget to join the Ivy League and get access to our weekly newsletter for inspiring stories, strategic wellness tips, and to stay caught up with our journey. We thank you for joining us in the fearless pursuit of self-discovery and growth and hope that you transform our lessons into your gold.
Listen to your truth and go chase your gold.
– Gold Ivy Health Co.